Those Phrases shared by A Dad That Rescued Me during my time as a New Father

"I believe I was just trying to survive for the first year."

Ex- reality TV cast member Ryan Libbey expected to manage the difficulties of becoming a dad.

However the truth quickly proved to be "very different" to his expectations.

Life-threatening health problems around the birth caused his partner Louise being hospitalised. Suddenly he was forced into becoming her main carer while also looking after their baby boy Leo.

"I took on every night time, every change… each outing. The job of both mum and dad," Ryan stated.

Following nearly a year he burnt out. It was a chat with his parent, on a park bench, that made him realise he couldn't do it alone.

The direct words "You're not in a good place. You require support. What can I do to assist you?" created an opening for Ryan to speak honestly, ask for help and start recovering.

His experience is not uncommon, but rarely discussed. While society is now more comfortable discussing the stress on moms and about postpartum depression, less is said about the struggles new fathers go through.

Seeking help isn't a weakness to ask for help

Ryan thinks his challenges are symptomatic of a broader inability to talk among men, who still absorb damaging ideas of masculinity.

Men, he says, often feel they must be "the fortress that just gets hit and doesn't fall time and again."

"It is not a sign of weakness to ask for help. I was too slow to do that quick enough," he explains.

Clinical psychologist Dr Jill Domoney, a researcher specialising in mental health pre and post childbirth, says men often don't want to acknowledge they're struggling.

They can think they are "not the right person to be requesting help" - particularly in front of a mum and baby - but she emphasises their mental state is just as important to the unit.

Ryan's conversation with his dad provided him with the opportunity to take a break - taking a few days overseas, outside of the home environment, to gain perspective.

He came to see he required a change to focus on his and his partner's emotional states as well as the practical tasks of taking care of a newborn.

When he shared with Louise, he saw he'd missed "what she was yearning" -reassuring touch and listening to her.

Self-parenting

That epiphany has transformed how Ryan perceives parenthood.

He's now composing Leo letters each week about his experiences as a dad, which he hopes his son will look at as he matures.

Ryan hopes these will help his son to better grasp the expression of emotional life and interpret his decisions as a father.

The idea of "reparenting" is something musician Professor Green - also known as Stephen Manderson - has also felt keenly since fathering his son Slimane, who is now four.

When he was young Stephen did not have reliable male parenting. Despite having an "incredible" connection with his dad, profound emotional pain resulted in his father found it hard to cope and was "present intermittently" of his life, affecting their relationship.

Stephen says bottling up feelings caused him to make "bad actions" when in his youth to change how he felt, finding solace in alcohol and substances as escapism from the hurt.

"You turn to behaviours that aren't helpful," he notes. "They might short-term modify how you feel, but they will eventually cause more harm."

Strategies for Getting By as a New Father

• Share with someone - when you are under pressure, confide in a friend, your partner or a professional what you're going through. It can help to lighten the load and make you feel more supported.
• Keep up your interests - continue with the pursuits that allowed you to feel like you before having a baby. Examples include exercising, seeing friends or a favourite hobby.
• Pay attention to the physical health - a good diet, physical activity and if you can, sleep, all are important in how your mind is coping.
• Meet other parents in the same boat - hearing about their journeys, the messy ones, and also the good ones, can help to normalise how you're experiencing things.
• Remember that requesting help isn't failing - looking after you is the best way you can look after your household.

When his father eventually died by suicide, Stephen naturally had difficulty processing the loss, having had no contact with him for a long time.

Now being a father himself, Stephen's determined not to "perpetuate the cycle" with his child and instead provide the stability and emotional guidance he missed out on.

When his son starts to have a tantrum, for example, they practise "shaking it out" together - processing the frustrations in a healthy way.

Each of Ryan and Stephen say they have become improved and more well-rounded men because they faced their issues, changed how they express themselves, and taught themselves to manage themselves for their sons.

"I am now more capable of… processing things and managing things," states Stephen.

"I expressed that in a note to Leo recently," Ryan shares. "I expressed, on occasion I think my role is to teach and advise you how to behave, but the truth is, it's a exchange. I am discovering just as much as you are through this experience."